Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
