some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
