my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
