have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
