no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
