Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
