People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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