she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize