google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
