i jhust puked up my retainher.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
