is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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