connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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