Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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