Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
