their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize