my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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