the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
