I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
