from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
