Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
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