Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
