sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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