the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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