News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
