operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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