i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
