It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
