I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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