Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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