so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
