So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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