maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize