and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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