According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
