i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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