I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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