The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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