i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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