yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
