I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
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