dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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