Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I will be naked everywhere
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
