I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
