we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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