Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
