You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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