there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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