How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the day after is always just damage control
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize