Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
