the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
