"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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