Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
