i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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