I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
