I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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