Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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