Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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