when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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