I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
