my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Oh god it's open bar.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
