bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I did not marry a roomba.
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