Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I will die if light touches me.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize