maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
