hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
