JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
