Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
