I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
