She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
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