I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
