Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
