have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
