Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
