so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize