im six kinds of drunk right now
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
