Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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